Raising a child with ADHD or Autism often becomes a full-family journey. While much focus goes toward the child with special needs—and rightfully so—it’s just as important to recognize and support the emotions of their siblings. These brothers and sisters may experience confusion, jealousy, or even a deep sense of responsibility, all of which can be difficult to express at a young age.
From One Parent’s Perspective: Creating Unity from the Start
One of the most powerful ways to navigate these emotional dynamics is by involving the entire family early on. One parent shared her experience:
“We held a family meeting when our children were very young. My son had just been diagnosed with autism. He was three, his twin sister was also three, and our older child was four and a half. We explained everything in a way they could understand.”
Inspired by a fellow parent, she used a visual analogy to help her children grasp the situation:
“Imagine we’re all in the ocean. You both have life jackets, but your brother has an iron anchor pulling him down. Who do you think we should help first?”
The kids answered, “We should help Chris.”
“Exactly,” she replied. “We all have to help him, together.”
This framing helped the children feel included and gave them a sense of purpose, instead of confusion or exclusion.
Dealing With Difficult Moments
Even with the best intentions, the balance isn’t always perfect. The mother recalled a moment when her daughter looked at her and said, “Mommy, I want autism too.”
That innocent comment carried so much weight—it reflected a child’s longing for equal attention. In that moment, the parent realized the need to recalibrate how she involved her neurotypical children in the daily routines of support and therapy.
Tips for Navigating Sibling Emotions
Based on her journey, here are some takeaways for other parents:
1. Involve Siblings in the Process
Let siblings feel like helpers and teammates, not bystanders. Assign age-appropriate tasks that make them feel proud and valued—whether it’s showing flashcards, playing speech games, or offering praise.
2. Use Play as a Teaching Tool
Turn speech and occupational therapy exercises into games. One example included blowing through napkins to help with lip movement. Everyone joined in and had fun, which fostered connection and reduced the perception that one child was getting all the attention.
3. Explain the Why—Early and Often
Young children may not fully understand a diagnosis, but they can grasp fairness and empathy. Use visual metaphors or stories that help them see why their sibling needs extra help.
4. Hold Regular “Check-Ins”
As kids grow, their understanding evolves. What made sense at age three may need reexplaining at age seven. Create a safe space where siblings can ask questions, express frustrations, or just feel heard.
5. Watch for Emotional Red Flags
Comments like “I want autism too” or changes in behavior may signal a sibling is feeling neglected or confused. Respond with reassurance, extra one-on-one time, and validation of their feelings.
Every Family is Different
Ultimately, there is no perfect formula. Each child—neurodiverse or not—has their own needs, sensitivities, and love languages. The goal is not perfection but progress: making space for every family member to feel seen, supported, and part of the journey.
At ADHD Autism Clinic, we not only support children through the diagnostic and therapeutic process, but we also care deeply about the wellness of the entire family unit. If you ever feel overwhelmed or unsure of how to navigate the emotional needs in your home, we’re here to help.